I've been stuck, the last few weeks, stuck on a repeat loop where nothing ever really improves. Nothing's getting worse, either, but when you get to the point where you're thinking that's a good thing, you know life has taken a fairly rubbish meander. In other words, it sucks.
I'm still cracking on with the things I need to do - wedding planning, house organising (with the help of W - we bough a bookcase for our DVDs the other day which he assembled. When we had got them all in we wondered why we hadn't done it before...), and child rearing. All the "ing"s. All except for "improving".
My seizures are still on average happening once a day, usually afternoon/evening time. I think I went a day without a few days ago, but, really? That's nothing special. A year or so ago I was hoping that someday I might get my driving license back - now it's looking more like a pipe dream with every day that passes.
To get my license back, I would have to go a whole year without seizures, then apply to the DVLA, who would check with my GP and specialists to make sure this is true, and then I'd have to go through the rigamarole of updating my details and getting it back. All without having any seizures at all. Any time I have one, even a "little" one, I go back to day one of my 365 point countdown.
Then, of course, even if I did get it back, I'd have to re-hone my driving skills. It has been six years since I last drove anywhere. Would you trust me behind the wheel? I certainly wouldn't. In the even this happens, I will be getting a couple of driving lessons as a refresher.
Actually, I'm going to stop dwelling on this one. I'm starting to remember how it feels to have the freedom of a car, and it's just making me miss it all the more. I get by well enough with public transport. It will get better when M can walk and we don't need a buggy. And better still when W can drive, assuming we can afford a car. At least we have family nearby who can help us if we really need transport at non-bus-friendly hours.