Well, I am officially not taking Clonazepam any more. On my GP's advice, I have weaned myself off, and tomorrow (Monday) I shall take the remaining tablets back to the pharmacy.
It was a nice try, I suppose, and it could have helped, so it was worthwhile. It's still a little frustrating to be back to square one, especially after all the trouble I went through while taking them (including having a seizure out in public on my own which could have ended rather badly as it happened about twenty seconds after I crossed a busy road), but, with a little hindsight, I know that I run the same risks when I start taking any new medication.
There isn't a cure for epilepsy, and there possibly never will be. There certainly won't be a cure for my kind of epilepsy in my lifetime. All I can really do is to try and stay positive, and not get so worked up on the negative stuff, as I have been doing lately.
Still, it's all very well me saying that. I'm human, I expect to write ranty posts in future expressing my rage and frustration at the world. I'd be a bit creepy if I didn't. I also believe that sometimes it's only by getting angy and taking action that we get anywhere. It wasn't until I got fed up with being fobbed off by the hospital delaying my neurologists appointments indefinitely that I got my appointment in September. It wasn't until I get cross with the Epilepsy Nurse's team that I rang up to work out what was going on and realised I'd been mistakenly dropped off the list. Sometimes, being calm and taking things in your stride is the wrong thing to do.
Still. The important thing is to strike the right balance. I'm not going to let my epilepsy bully me into sitting at home all day, afraid to go out, as I have been these last few weeks. Nor am I going to just say "to hell with it" and start running risks, because that would have serious repercussions for myself and my family. I do think i need to take another look at what I do with my time though. Taking these new drugs and seeing how much worse my life could be (how it was before I started the Keppra, essentially), has made me want to be more productive with my time. I've been wasting a lot of it recently just moping, and that isn't doing anyone any good.